Monday, July 28, 2008

Please be praying for my Rusty

Rusty interviewed for the job at the furniture store today. He had one of three interviews today. I am believing that the manger is very intrested in Rusty, but his limited vision is a problem. The regional manager is suppose to be here this week and she wants to talk to him before Rusty does either of the next two interview. I believe that this job would be perfect for Rusty, but am trying to keep the mantra going in my head that God is in control.

Also Rusty is not well, I do not know what is wrong with him, but he is not himself. He goes to the Dr on Friday. He is not eating like he usually does, he is not as talkative and teasing toward me as normal. And his sleep pattern is all messed. I know that part of it is depression. And I think part of it might be that he is still worried/scared that I am going to get mad and give him the boot. Which is not going to happen. Please be lifting him to our Father.


Sunday, July 27, 2008

I am doing the happy dance!!!

Oh I wish you were all here with me. I am doing the happy dance. I left a praise/blessing on the other blog. God has given me back my study room. You can not believe how sad and bad it had gotten around here. I had no place to either leave out my bible, resource books, or the laptop. Now my desk, books, and laptop are all back in one spot. I am so happy, I could just sing and dance (which I already did). I have my alone space. You would think with only 2 people living in a house that would not be a problem, but it is, when space is a premium around here. Less than 1000 sq ft of living space. And my room, currently has son's bed and friends stuff in it, but hey I can deal as long as I can come in here, shut the door and talk out loud to God and not have to worry about waking Rusty or disturbing him.

Oh Father, to think that something so small was just as important to You as it was to me.

Thursday, July 24, 2008

Need some prayer please

Update--Son called and said that his winter boss/hunting guide, said that he would front son money to fix pickup, and that Son can work on the weekends till hunting season to pay back. Thank you Father for answered prayer- You are in control

Son found out today, that to get truck fixed is going to cost between $400 to $600. Was not the transmission, but the computer that runs engine and transmission. Funds needed to pay for this, favor with the garage to possible be cheaper.

Healing between Son and Rusty. They are still not speaking. Rusty has reached out a couple of times since the move out/move in weekend, but Son is not over his mad/hurt.

Job for Rusty. A job at a furniture shop has come open again. Rusty would be perfect for the job. Christian boss, assembling furniture, lifting required. Weekends also. Desire for Rusty to apply for the job.

Patience and Michael. Michael is back on the drugs and off the marriage. They are living appart. There is no peace in this marriage. It is either really good or really bad.

Continued healing in mine and Rusty's marriage, guidance regarding counseling, and family coaching.

Growth for me.


Sunday, July 20, 2008

Deuteronomy 1:34

"And the LORD heard the sound of your words and was angry" NKJV

"And the LORD heard the voice of your words and and was wroth" KJV

"When the LORD heard what you said, he was angry" NIV

"When the LORD heard your complaining, he became very angry" NLT

Strongs H6963 Voice
kole, kole
From an unused root meaning to call aloud; a voice or sound: - + aloud, bleating, crackling, cry (+ out), fame, lightness, lowing, noise, + hold peace, [pro-] claim, proclamation, + sing, sound, + spark, thunder (-ing), voice, + yell

4 different translations, say partly the same thing. But I think that the NKJV and the KJV get to the heart of the matter. My words have sounds and a voice if you will. Tone is everything.

God heard not just the words, but the sounds and voice that they made. There is a praise song that one line is "let it be a sweet, sweet sound in Your ear"

What are the sounds and voice of my words doing to God? Is He eager to hear me speak? Or does He cover His ears?

What kind of tone are the sound and voice of my words leaving in God's ear? Is it a screechy sound like fingernails on a chalkboard, with my whining and complaining? Or is it a joyous sound?

It's not just the tone, it's the attitude also. Do I come before Him with the laundry list? Or do I just come before Him?

Something to stop and think about.

What is your most prized possession

My daughters have taught me a lot over the last week or so. And one thing that I have seen that they both have in common, is their marriages. Both of the girls told me that their most prized possession is their marriage. Wow, to hear the same thing from two very different people.. If I ask my married friends this question, I would probably receive the same answer from them also.

So what is my most prized possession? Honest answer, don't know.

My gut/heart response should be my salvation. I was purchased with a price. A life was given, so that mine was spared. What pretty words. And they are just words, because they are not being walked out in my life.

We guard what we value the most. We protect what we don't want stolen. And we reflect what we are closest to.

Oh, I can and do reach into my closet, and pull out the "spiritual suit" and put it on when the situation calls for, but I don't "wear" it 24/7. Because it is not my most prized possession, and it doesn't always fit where I am going or doing.

My heavenly Father is not my FATHER, He father. My God is not the King of the Universe. Jesus is not my SAVIOR, He is...the savior. Yes, I do believe that Jesus is the living Son of God, that He lived, was crucified, died, and was rasied from the dead, and now is at the right hand of the Father, and that He did it just for me.

I know that when I die, I will go to be with the Lord, but am I living this truth out in my life?

I want easy, but God is not in the easy, He is in the hard.

My life is self centered and not God centered.

I see others that God is their most prized possession, and I think I want that, but am I willing to pay the price to get it? Not really. I want some one to just pour it all in and it be there. I am not into hard. I am lazy, I want some one else to go get it, then give it to me. And with an attitude like that, my Father, my God whom is my Salvation will not become my most prized possession.

This is not a pity party, this is an honest look at my life and why it is not working.

Friday, July 18, 2008

Things today

Well, first I have decided that I am going to keep Rusty. We have nearly 26 years invested in this marriage I just couldn't seem to chunk it. Daughter #1 came by last Sunday, and I could not give away Rusty's plastic hangers out of his side of the closet. We are going to do some counseling and do a couple of other things. Also I have quit Wal-Mart. This will give us more time to work on us, and less away from each other. Rusty's parents have also agreed to start paying him for helping at their house.

Please continue to pray for us, our 3 adult children, or families, and for Vickie the other one. We all need large doses of healing, and God's guidence in our lives.

Please also be praying for Patience and Michael. Michael is back on drugs and Patience has moved out of Michael's house for the second time, and in with her sister.

I love you all more then you will ever know and feel so honored to call you friends.

Tuesday, July 15, 2008

Please pray for:

Please be praying for Vickie, she was just as dupped as me and the kids in all of this. Funny thing I feel like I need to apologize to her.


Me, Patience, and our boat

Patience and I are in the same boat. We both are having very large problems with our marriages. Patience and her man with drugs, and me and mine with infedility. I will not go any futher with the details except to say with Patience, she has moved out of their home, and I am sleeping in the other bedroom behind a locked door.

I have told Rusty that I am going to take 30 days and decide what I am going to do. Which at this point I have no ideal what the answer will be. I have told him that I can not just "sweep" this under the carpet like it never happened.

I had him move out on Friday, but allowed him to move back on Sunday, for the simple fact that I could not make my youngest daughter responsible for the care and feeding of him, since he has no income and no place to go.

Do I love this man, yes I do, he is the father of my children, and we have had a lot of good years, and been through many, many struggles as a couple.

Am I in love with this man? Well, that is the question that puts me in this boat. I think that somewhere somehow we both let this marriage slip away. For probably about the past 2 years we have been two people leading separate lives living at the same address.

So the question comes back what am I going to do? When I figure it out I will let you know. Please be praying for both Patience and her man, and me and mine.


Tuesday, July 8, 2008

I wish you all could see this

I am sitting on my couch with my laptop typing one handed. Why you ask, because my Black Cat (BC) is laying next to me with his head on top of my right hand, and since I dare not disturb him, I have one hand to work with. He is waiting for me to get up and go to bed. Guess you now know who is the boss at my house, and it ain't me.

Monday, July 7, 2008

I have found the map

I have found the map to the promised land. It's called a Bible and you pick it up off the shelf and read it. How profound.

I have been on vacation from job A this week, but not from job B. So I have used this as an excuse not to spend time with my Father.

Well, today I picked up my computer, and plugged in Joyce Meyer's CD Mental Strongholds, and got carried to the woodshed.

God has really been speaking to me about where I am "living" in my spiritual walk. So I am not doing the No Other Gods summer Bible study, but am instead going to go back to the beginning with the I AM so you don't have to be online blog study by Lisa AKA the preacher's wife, along with the stronghold study by Joyce, and the book of Deuteronomy and see what God is really trying to teach me, that I didn't want to see or hear.

Questions I am asking self are

1. What is my promised land?

2. Where is it?

3. What does it look like?

One thing that I know He is already working on is my attitude in regards to my appearance.

I have complained and whined about how tired I am working two jobs and because of that I have let how I dress for either job slide big time. God has been showing me that how I look on the outside is directly related to how I feel on the inside. Patience ask me the other day if I might be depressed. I kind of laughed her off, but God has been showing me that I am, and it is time to get busy and get over it. So one of the first things I am going to do is go back to spending the time on face, hair and clothes that makes me feel better. A brother in Christ at job B told me if I would just spend 30 minutes of a morning in prayer, that I would have the energy I need to make it through the day. I have also discovered that this depression is effecting mine and Rusty's marriage in a very negative way. So part of the plan is to spend 30 minutes with my Father as I shower, iron, and dress for the day.

Notes in my Bible from today.

God is telling me that I have stayed where I am (in my sin) long enough, it is time to move to the promised land- ties in with the I AM Bible Study, who would have thought. Deuteronomy 1:21 Look, the LORD your God has set the land before you; go up and possess it, as the LORD God of your fathers has spoken to you; do not fear or be discouraged.’ How easily I become discouraged when God is attempting to make me let go and it doesn't work out like I think it should. Deuteronomy 1:22-33 22 “And every one of you came near to me and said, ‘Let us send men before us, and let them search out the land for us, and bring back word to us of the way by which we should go up, and of the cities into which we shall come.’ 23 “The plan pleased me well; so I took twelve of your men, one man from each tribe. 24 And they departed and went up into the mountains, and came to the Valley of Eshcol, and spied it out. 25 They also took some of the fruit of the land in their hands and brought it down to us; and they brought back word to us, saying, ‘It is a good land which the LORD our God is giving us.’ 26 “Nevertheless you would not go up, but rebelled against the command of the LORD your God; 27 and you complained in your tents, and said, ‘Because the LORD hates us, He has brought us out of the land of Egypt to deliver us into the hand of the Amorites, to destroy us. 28 Where can we go up? Our brethren have discouraged our hearts, saying, “The people are greater and taller than we; the cities are great and fortified up to heaven; moreover we have seen the sons of the Anakim there.”’
29 “Then I said to you, ‘Do not be terrified, or afraid of them. 30 The LORD your God, who goes before you, He will fight for you, according to all He did for you in Egypt before your eyes, 31 and in the wilderness where you saw how the LORD your God carried you, as a man carries his son, in all the way that you went until you came to this place.’ 32 Yet, for all that, you did not believe the LORD your God, 33 who went in the way before you to search out a place for you to pitch your tents, to show you the way you should go, in the fire by night and in the cloud by day.
How like the Hebrew Children I am, even when God tells me in verses 30 and 31 that He carries me. Verse 32 just stops me, because that is such a large truth in my life at this time. Even with what God tells me and what I have seen Him do in my life I still do not believe the Lord my God.

So it is time to pack my tent, take my map, and head to the Promised Land.

This is going to be so good. I am off to prepare for job B, and spend some time in prayer as I do.



I am not real computer savvy or I would have a HUGE picture of people dancing and singing on this post.

Only Son and middle child, pickup's transmission gave up on him last week. $2,600.00 first time around to fix it. Warranty expired on June 25th 2008 and as you can tell today is July 7th 2008. Rusty's brother very kindly paid for the first one, but he like all the rest of us, did not have an additional 26 hundred laying around to replace again.

BUT, Glory to GOD, the guy at the transmission placed called today and has decided to honor the warranty any way and fix the transmission for FREE, yes you heard correctly F-R-E-E. God is good all the time. Proof positive that God is concerned with every aspect of our lives, and that if you will give it to God, and let Him handle it, He will.

I will be honest, I was stressing this, but I kept saying God, You are in control and You do have a plan to resolve this. Please keep us out of the way so You can work.

We are a singin and a shoutin...


Wednesday, July 2, 2008

I AM so you don't have to be Lesson 15

I AM so you don't have to be Lesson 15

Full Circle

Focal Scripture

Numbers 14

Numbers 32:16-18

Lisa writes

This week, we are going to revisit Numbers 32 This is the portion of Scripture where Moses is still alive but has already been told by God he would die before crossing the Jordan into the Promised Land.

As Moses' last act of war, God has just executed vengeance upon Midian for their part in seducing Israel to idolatry. The spoils were divided amongst the tribes and the request arose from the sons of Reuben, Gad, and the 1/2 tribe of Manasseh to be given the land east of the Jordan as their inheritance since it was a suitable place for livestock.

Here we find ourselves in a familiar place, one the Israelites had been before. Once again as forty years prior, the nation is standing at the edge of the Promise and here are a small number who want to remain behind.

The set up is reminiscent of Numbers 14 when the nation wailed over the reports brought back from the spies about the land and its inhabitants. Only Caleb and Joshua trusted God to go before them into the Land while the other ten spies discouraged the people by spreading doubt and fear. The ensuing rebellion cost Israel forty long years and the death of the entire generation - all because ten men did not trust their God to finish the work He had begun by leading them out of Egypt.

Was this about to be a replay of what had happened forty years earlier? Had Israel learned anything in their wanderings? Which leads us to ask ourselves the very same question: What wisdom are we gaining in our afflictions? How are we reacting differently when we are presented with circumstances which yesterday would have found us in rebellion against God?

There comes a time, Girls, that something has got to give. We can live in this borderland the rest of our days but this is NOT the life Your God intended for you to live! How long do we have to flounder without yet learning to draw from the well of experience we have with our God in order to let His deliverances CHANGE the way we move through this life? AFFECT our decision making? MOVE us from bondage to abundance? When are we going to stop making the same ridiculous mistakes over and over and over? God can and will clear the way for you into abundance, but He can not take the steps for you. Just like the Israelites, the Promise is there waiting for the generation and more specifically, the woman who will be brave enough to possess it.

Burning Questions:

1. I think we can all agree most of us find ourselves closer to God in the struggle than without it. How does it affect you knowing that trial is what draws you more intimately in relationship to Your God?
Honestly? It sometimes angers and defeats me. Why do I have to keep going through trials? Why can't I have it easy once in awhile. The answer always comes back the same. You don't need me in the easy, you only come to me in the hard. When I learn to lean in the hard times all the time, then I will also learn to lean in the easy times too.

2. Have you ever made a huge mistake but then found yourself in the position for a 'do-over'? Did you make a better decision the second or third or fourth time around? :)
Yes, I have found myself in a "do-over" a couple of times, and thankfully because, I remember the lesson, I was able by the grace of God to respond differently.

3. Is there a 'generational sin' in your family you have overcome? This can be anything from a lineage of unbelief to issues of many kinds. This may be a private matter. Share if you feel liberty or quietly thank God for His deliverance. If you have not yet been delivered, I pray with all my heart God's Word is giving you courage to ask for help in that area.
There is a generational sin of Alcoholism in my family. I have chosen not to drink, or if I do very seldom. My sister is a practicing alocholic, and my brother is on the border. I have three children, that also battle this sin, two have it under control, one does not.

4. Have you ever been misunderstood? Do you feel unforgiven for past mistakes even though you know God has forgiven you?
Yes, I am known for the "Peter disease" I open my mouth and promptly insert my foot.

5. Is there a sister you need to extend grace towards in order to be able to 'bless God together'? Do you comprehend how your unforgiveness is hindering her from inhabiting her own Promise? If no, do you recognize a situation within your church body where this may be happening? If so, ask God to raise up a 'Phinehas' (mediator) in this situation. He may just reveal the Phinehas is you. :)
We have been attending a new church, and I am still the "new kid" on the block. I am trying real hard to keep my foot out of my mouth, and to be a encourager.

Good lesson Lisa, friends and I were just discussing this very topic.