Sunday, May 10, 2009

Whole Heart Faith Day 4 and my Mom

This is my Mom and 4 of her 5 great-grandchildren. I think that I have posted this picture before. It is one of my favorites.

This is a hard post. You see my Mother is dying. She is in the early stages of kidney failure and has chosen not to take medical action to extend her life. I understand and respect her choices. But at the same time it is breaking my heart. I am not ready to let my mother go, whether it is next week or two years from now. I am not through needing her, enjoying her company or having her messing in my life. She is the center around which my siblings, my children, and myself rotate. And without her, we are very likely to fall off our axis.

My Mother is going to be 78 years old this year, I hope, she has survived the death of two husbands, both parents, and one brother. She raised 3 kids alone for a lot of years, and was willing to do without so that we could have. We traveled as a family, to Six Flags over Texas at least once a year, and to Florida by car twice. We went to see family often. She gave my siblings and me a love of music and reading. We went to free art shows, and developed tastes for all forms of art.

She is not without fault because she is human, and can be as stubborn and hard headed as the day is long. She can hold a grudge, especially if you hurt one of her "chicks". She is a five year breast cancer survivor, and has been through 2 hip replacement surgeries. She is saved, but she and God got cross ways years ago and she walked away from Him, and will not discuss things of God with anyone.

Warts and all she is my Mom and I love her dearly. Or as we like to say, "I love her to the moon and back again, and that's a long way baby!"

God is tying this all together with the Whole Heart Faith that I am doing with Leigh from Speaking Thru Me Ministries.

I have to trust that my Father is working in my Mother's life, and that is all I need to know.

Scriptures that caught my attention today are Luke 12:31-32 But seek His kingdom, and these things will be provided for you. Don't be afraid little flock, because your Father delights to give you the kingdom. I love verse 32 Don't be afraid little flock, because your Father delights to give you the kingdom.

First time the word delight is used in connection with God is Numbers 14:8 where Moses tells the Israelites, "If the LORD delights in us, then He will bring us into this land and give it to us, a land which flows with milk and honey." Deuteronomy 10:15 says "The LORD delighted only in your fathers, to love them: and He chose their descendants after them, you above all peoples as it is this day." Psalm 16:3 As for the saints who are on the earth, They are the excellent ones, in whom is all my delight. Proverbs 8:30 Then I was beside Him as a master craftsman; And I was daily His delight.

It is hard at times for me to conceive that God delights in me! And on top of that, He delights in giving me the kingdom. Me the one that has said many times, thanks, but I can handle this. Go sit over there God until I get done with this sin, and a host of assorted other things, God still delights in me!! Wrap your brain around that one. I am still trying to. And if God delights in me, bottom feeder extraordinaire, faulted, sinful, self centered child that I am, then He delights also in my Mother, and is able to draw back what has gone astray.

Father, Thank you that I can open the hand that is holding so tightly to my Mother and trust her to You. Thank you that I can rest in knowing that even if I can't see it and she won't discuss it, that You are working in her life. Father, I want to ask so badly for a healing in her life, for both her kidneys and her relationship with You. But I know that the healing in your relationship is much more important that the healing in her body, and if it takes this to bring that healing about, I will bow to Your will. Father, I am undone to think that You delight in me! How and why are the first things that come to mind. But You are the one that chose me, and there must be something redeemable in this life, that will somehow some way bring You glory, or You wouldn't be drawing me closer. Thank you that You never give up on me, and that I never get to the end of Your grace, mercy, and loving kindness towards me. Thank You seems so small in light of all that You gave in order to have a relationship with me. Your Son, Father? You love me so much that You gave Your Son, Your only begotten Son on top of that, so that I would no longer be separated from You. How Father can I say thank you to that other than to give my all to You and say here take it, it's Yours to use as You deem fit. I love you Father, and I desire to serve You and worship You with my whole heart. In Jesus name Amen.


Bev Brandon said...

With tears streaming down my face, I say a prayer this night for your precious mom. Jesus is calling her to "come closer" and I pray she will hear Him and move. Acts 11:21 comes to my mind. You've poured out a beautiful post, a beautiful heart. This is the second time today I ran across your blog so I thought I'd comment even though I don't know you. My heart was drawn here. Saying a prayer for you in my sleeplessness over here. Love, Bev

beyond this moment said...

I am so sorry about your mom. Even if your family falls off its axis for a while in losing her, you'll find another one... love always does.

Speaking Thru Me Ministries said...

love you sister!!! praying for your mom!!!!!

love, you - Leigh